Light Follower

9.07.2010

Though I fall again and again
You grant me mercy over and over
Every time I displease You I'm in pain
Why is it so hard to find freedom?

God Almighty You gave me a glimpse
One summer of freedom, six weeks
Where I lived freely, in bliss
Why can I not find that freedom now?

The taste of true love, the way it felt
Lingers in my mind, making it hard
To concentrate on the present, it's a welt
Sore and red across my face -- hurting.

Why show love and freedom to me
If I cannot have it again?
You have given me the desire to be
Free and full of life and love.

God Almighty, blessed be Your Name
Your love for me is everlasting, eternal
Your mind never changes and Your Fame
Goes out before all peoples and nations.

Your mind, Your will, never stray
But I can't always see them, so please
God I pray that you grant me this
   -- show me the way
So that I may please You.

Father-God, let my love for You
Be a reflection of Your love for me
May I walk in Your Spirit with love
For You and for those around me.

God I'm confused. I'm lost, I'm weary.
Show me what to do, grant me peace
Your Word lights my path, give me grace
To follow it's shine -- wherever it leads.

His Word Is Truth

9.06.2010


It is that whisper in your ear
   and the thunder that you fear
It is that thought in your head
   and the voice while in bed
It is written in the stars above
   and we can see declarations of His love
In the written Word He gave to us
   and in the many ways He speaks
In the things that He created
   and in the testimony He has given me
In the evidences of my salvation
   and in the love that I have for Him
     Christ alone has saved me
     Christ alone has bought me
     Christ alone owns me
     And Christ alone will take me
        to my eternal home
I praise God who has given me love
I praise God who has given me faith
I praise God who has given me passion
   a passion for truth
His Word is Truth

Tumblr....

8.02.2010

I now have a Tumblr account. Click here to visit it. It is pretty cool, I think. the majority of my posts and traffic will be on there from here on out. My intention is to slowly phase this blog out, and to eventually use my personal domain (alexanderganahl.com) as a more business-type website, and keep creedofman.com as my personal blog, wherever I may host that blog.

Blogger has done me faithful service over the years, since 2007 when I created my first blogspot blog. Those were in the days before Google owned the world and we all sold our souls to be a part of the Google Universe. I will still be posting, for awhile at least, but let it be known that I have moved. Follow me over at http://www.creedofman.com!

Love Heals

Only You can take away
The stress and hurt inside
I feel like I am by myself
Please fill me, completely.

God is my refuge
In Him I will trust
I'll never be dismayed
Never, no never.

All alone I feel despair
The love I felt before
Is missing from my life
God I long for love -- so fill me.

God is my refuge
In Him I will trust
I'll never be dismayed
Never, no never.

Your love will make me whole
Will ease the pain I feel
Your love shows me a friend
Christ is with me forever

God is my refuge
In Him I will trust
I'll never be dismayed
Never, no never.

Life-Thoughts

7.30.2010

It is an odd feeling to have just passed the last two CLEPs that I needed. I'm not done with my degree, but I don't have any more CLEPs. It's somewhat weird, is all. Cool, but weird.

Looking back at the last couple of years, it is slightly amazing to me to realize that in only 15 months I have earned 96 credits toward my BA in English. I have 9 more credits scheduled to finish by the end of August, and then just 18 more after that. I'm almost done. Just a couple more semesters.

It is making me think hard about what I need to do over the next months, over the next year. I'm about to jump into life, and I don't know if I'm going to be ready. Sure, I'll have my BA in English, I'll know how to write, I've had a couple of jobs, and I've had a lot of varied experience doing different things. I'm very confidant by nature - but I just don't know if I will be ready or not. And that feeling of not knowing scares me.

It comes down to just one thing, in the end. It has been God who has given me the grace to pass all my tests and get all the credits. It will be God who gives me the grace to finish. I know, although I am afraid, that it will be God who will create the opportunities for my that I need for my career. If I am listening to His guiding voice, then He will take care of me.

And that is all that matters.

Interesting. Because I say it is.

7.26.2010



"But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful. Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?"
"On the other hand, we denounce with righteous indignation and dislike men who are so beguiled and demoralized by the charms of pleasure of the moment, so blinded by desire, that they cannot foresee the pain and trouble that are bound to ensue; and equal blame belongs to those who fail in their duty through weakness of will, which is the same as saying through shrinking from toil and pain. These cases are perfectly simple and easy to distinguish. In a free hour, when our power of choice is untrammelled and when nothing prevents our being able to do what we like best, every pleasure is to be welcomed and every pain avoided. But in certain circumstances and owing to the claims of duty or the obligations of business it will frequently occur that pleasures have to be repudiated and annoyances accepted. The wise man therefore always holds in these matters to this principle of selection: he rejects pleasures to secure other greater pleasures, or else he endures pains to avoid worse pains."

If anyone figures out what this is from, let me know. Some hints:
  • Extremely common
  • Has been used since the 1500s in basically the same form as it is used today
  • It's usually in a different language
I finally just looked something up that I've been mildly interested in and have used for awhile, just like everyone else.

Thank God For Love

7.25.2010

Confusion fills every waking thought
What happened? And why?
Where did the trust go, the love?
Almost enough to doubt it once existed.

New friends and new faces, sometimes
Only add to the mess that I am.
As soon as I have life resolved
The puzzle, once balanced, crashes down.

Picking up the endless pieces,
Trying to put my life back together
No longer seeking for romance
Yet always looking for true love.

I am content, I suppose. I will wait.
A few years from now, perhaps
The right girl will be waiting
For me to sweep her off her feet.

But idle dreaming only brings depression
Much better to live life with love
And joy, not with worry about the future
At peace where I am -- I am content.

In my search for true love
I discovered love's source.
Father-God manifested love through His Son
Jesus Christ is love embodied.

I get distracted, at times
Mistaking attraction for love.
But sometimes the love is real
Drawing us close in heart and soul.

Good friends are gifts from God
I love them, they love me, and together
We are filled with joy and happiness
This is true fellowship -- loving one another.

My thoughts fall into place eventually
It takes time, more than anything else
Time away, just thinking, praying, dreaming.
Then I make decisions, order the chaos.

I thank God for seasons
Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter
I thank God for friends
My love for them, theirs for me.

The fellowship is sweet that stems
From life-talks with the ones I love.
I pray that we will be friends forever.
I thank God for love:
                    His, mine, and ours.

Imagine:

7.18.2010

A man. Scarred and weatherworn. Clothed simply. Clean, but with dusty feet. Walking in the midst of a group of other men, distinguishable only because of the deference the others show to him. He has worked hard for most of his life, as evidenced by his muscular build. Not athletic, but sturdy and endurable. His calves are defined; he has walked the hills and rocky terrain often. Sandals, well-used, protect his feet from the road as he travels. The stamina that he demonstrates comes from a lifetime spent walking wherever he must go. Leathery skin speaks of the amount of time spent in the open air. His face is peaceful. No marks of anger crease his brow, rather, he most often smiles - easily seen at a glance. His eyes sparkle, clear and pure, reflecting the sun and yet seeming to reflect inner light as well. After a little while observing him, you see that he is teaching the other men. They hang on every word, as if in a desert, waiting for each drop of precious liquid to fall.

This man is my Lord and Savior.

This man gave His life so I could live.

This man loves me like none other

This man was of average appearance when He walked the earth.

This man is, was, and will be forever.

This is the God-Man, Jesus Christ.

To My Friends

7.15.2010

The summer is over. According to the calendar it has a couple of months left, but as far as I am concerned, the summer is over. All of the good parts - hanging out with my friends, staying up all night, no school, no worries - have had their time, and it is now time for me to start working again.

The past month-and-a-half have been amazing - possibly the best 6 weeks of my life to date. I was with people that I loved, having as much fun as humanly possible, working on a film crew, and generally enjoying life. There were moments and hours when I just needed to get away from it all, spend time by myself or other friends, and time alone with God, but the experience of being with close friends for nearly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, was awesome. I grew really close to them, and I will always remember this summer.

Coming home was hard. Saying goodbye, not knowing for sure when I would see everyone again, not knowing if we would all ever be in the same place at the same time again, but knowing that I was going to be alone at home, was hard. I didn't say goodbye to everyone - I couldn't. So I said goodbye to a few people, and then I ran away from it all. I should have said goodbye to a few more people, but I couldn't stay any longer. I was at a point where I was either going to just leave, or stay another few hours and try not to break down for that much longer. I chose to run away, and cry on my way home in the car.

Yeah, this summer was that awesome. The tears that I shed were not tears of anger at having to end the summer, but rather tears of sadness mixed with awe at the beautiful thing that my summer had been. If I were to try to describe my summer, I wouldn't be able to do it. I can only try to paint a picture in your mind.

Imagine: Rain falling from a cloudless sky, over a plain swept with the wind, the long grass swaying back and forth. The stars filling the sky, so that everywhere you look, you see constellations and galaxies filling the heavens. Shooting stars, a wish made on every one of them. A gentle breeze kissing your skin as you lay back on a rooftop, almost asleep, but not quite. A young woman singing for her boyfriend into her phone, while walking along the canal at 2 a.m. A cyclist, riding his bike without hands so that he can play his guitar - 3 a.m. along the canal. All piled up on a single couch - meant for three people, they were five - so that they could watch a movie together. Late night walks, miles and miles out in the country - not getting back until the wee hours of the morning. Swimming in the creek, swollen by the thunderstorms - floating downstream, letting the current carry you gently.

This is just a small part of my summer, and yet, it encompasses most of what made it so special. There was the music, the movies, the talks, the things we did. Imagine, once again, all the things I just wrote about. Now add the people. Your best friends. My best friends. The people that you love. Doing all of those things, experience all of those things with them.


Caroline, Gracie, Nicky, Tyler - thanks for an awesome summer. I love you all so much.

Why the heck. Why. The heck. Yeah.

7.05.2010

All good things have to come to an end...and it is really stinking annoying when some people try to end the goodness early. They suck. They really do.

What is the meaning of life? Why the heck do I always come back to the meaning of life when I am depressed? Wouldn't it just be lovely if there weren't any jerks in this world?  If there weren't any jerks, then I wouldn't get ticked off...

So this song that I am listening to right now kinda fits my mood...

Don't wake me
Cause I don't wanna leave this dream
Don't wake me
Cause I never seem to stay asleep enough
When it's you I'm dreaming of
I don't wanna wake up

Don't wake me
We're together just you and me
Don't wake me
Cause we're happy like we used to be
I know I've gotta let you go
But don't wake me
Yeah...I feel like this summer has been kinda a dream, and it's time to wake up. Yeah.

Without Fear

6.27.2010


When I think about what my life means
When I look at the stars in the sky
When I contemplate the rain that falls
When I wonder as I wander along the road

Then I know, that only this I know
That all I know, is meaningless unless
With all that I know, I seek to live
My life for my Savior - He is my all

I look around and all that I can see
Is Your face, You are looking down at me
As You look down from on high
I feel Your love, pouring over me as a flood

Your grace has filled me, my cup runs over
Your love completes me, I lack nothing
Your faith is steadfast, never ending and forever
Your Son is the Christ, Jesus Christ, the truth.

May the truth remain
May I proclaim the truth from the high places
May I proclaim truth to the whole world
May I proclaim truth - and never know fear.

A Couple Thoughts

The days are just flying by like a dream...one after another, each special in its own way, each connected, and each has made itself memorable to me. I'm high on life...I think I'm figuring out liberty...and the pursuit of happiness is going just dandy. Life is good.

I'm going to look back on this summer with longing, I'm sure...right now, I'm just happy to be where I am, doing what I'm doing. God is making a lot of things make sense. I talked with my mom and dad today - about staying at Verity, going distance, or even quitting Verity and just getting my degree through Thomas Edison. They want me to go distance, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm looking forward to getting a job. I've honestly missed working. I think that is something that a man needs. Work is vital to a man's sense of providing, and it builds character...yeah.

I'm going to keep it short tonight. I love all of you. G'night.

Awesome God

6.23.2010

I'm sitting on a bench in the park - it is the first time that I have been outside today. It's a little warm, but not uncomfortably so, and there is a cool breeze blowing. It has been a dull day, without much to differentiate this day from any other. I have been thinking a lot today - more than usual.

What is it that makes me different than the people that I learn from? Am I nothing more than the sum of my parts? Or am a a new creation, altogether different because of the conglomeration of teachers that I have had? I am unique in Christ - but what does that mean?

I know that I am unlike any other person - I am unique. At the same time, I have a lot of the same character traits of my grandfather, I look like my mom and dad, and much of what I believe has been taught to me. Very little of what I know did I discover for myself. The same things could probably be said of every person on Earth. So am I really that different?

Am i special? If I am more than the sum of my parts, then yes, I am special. If I am not, then I and everyone that I know are in essence the same. I believe that not only am I greater than what I am made of, but that God has a specific purpose for me. That makes me special.

Everyone is special, I suppose...Do you know the line that goes: "I'm unique - just like everyone else!"? It's cheesy, but in essence it is true. God has made each person in the same way - we are each sculpted by our surroundings, by the people that He has put us with, and even the DNA that we are made of is not a pure strain from one person. Yet, in the similarity lies the differences. All of the little factors that make up the whole make each of us different.

I am humbled by the greatness of my Heavenly Father...that He would create me...

May I always be His servant.

Above All

Thoughts of many things fill my mind
Thoughts of people, places, time
Thoughts of what is, what was, what will be
Thoughts of many things fill my mind.

Dreaming of what might be someday
Dreaming of what I should do today
Dreaming of what I wish had happened
Dreaming of what I pray will be.

Truth is what drives me, I'm searching for it
Truth is what keeps me going, when I am discouraged
Truth is what soothes my mind, when I am confused
Truth is what drives me -- so I'm searching.

Only one thing I know for sure
Only one thing is absolute
Only one thing is forever
Only one thing is always there.

Christ is King of my life
Christ is the Lord of all
Christ is my Savior
Christ -- He is my all.

Caroline

6.21.2010

Caroline sits next to me, writing away on her computer, as I write this post about her. she writes about me, and I am actually pretty interested in what she has to say. I don't know the style of what she is going to write, I don't know what words she will use, and I don't even have a clue as to how long it will be. I am amused by the look on her face as she asks me, "so what am I writing?" I laugh inside.

We are listening to the music that is streaming from my blog...it amuses me that it is mostly love songs that are playing currently. I am easily amused - but that is beside the point. I'm not talking about myself, but about Caroline.

Reddish-brown hair covers her head, curly and somewhat unruly due to the humidity and the rain. Over the past few days, Caroline and I have spent a lot of time outside. Her eyes are green, her skin white, and she doesn't tan easily at all. She is a lot of fun to hang out with, and an awesome friend.

We really don't have much to do right now. Technically, it is after curfew, but the film crew won't be back for another couple of hours so curfew isn't that important. Chuck is sitting at his computer in the background.

A little while ago Caroline and I danced to a couple songs - we are waiting until we can dance on the roof later. Caroline's eyes are going back and forth from being wide open, staring at the screen of her MacBook, to squinting and thinking about what she is going to write next.


Caroline doesn't like to wear skirts. She always wears pants underneath her skirt, when she has to wear one, and apparently takes every available opportunity to wear only the pants.

She is someone who is easily misunderstood, I think, and I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to learn who she really is - not form an opinion on her based on just what I notice and what other people notice. Caroline doesn't remind me of anyone else. Most people that I know have parallels to each other in one way or another. Caroline is different, in a really awesome way. I wouldn't have been able to know her the way that I do if I hadn't swallowed my fears and asked her some deep questions, though. I was afraid that we had unresolvable difference in our beliefs. I was wrong, and I am grateful for that.

I am looking forward to the next three weeks with Caroline...late nights, too much coffee, swing dancing, watching movies, and generally having fun in and around working on the movie.

I'm done with this blog post, but I don't think that Caroline is done writing her post about me. I hope we will go up on the roof again tonight...I need some garlic to repel those nasty little bloodsuckers, though. I feel as if I am being drained of all the blood in my body, drop by drop...

Lost inside...

6.20.2010

The past week has been pretty rough for me, for some reason. For the longest time, I couldn't think of why. I'm where I want to be, doing what I want to be doing, with the people that I want to be doing it with. So why am I feeling so down?

Over the past couple of days, I've slowly been figuring it out. It's because I'm torn. I'm torn between what I really believe, and what I think I believe. I'm torn between what I am, and what I should be. I'm torn between the people that I love. I'm torn between love and like. I'm torn between respect and emotions.

I've decided that life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is overrated. It's all well and good, but what is life? It happens. Living is just something that I do. Liberty isn't freedom. It's restriction. And I'm having a hard time with that right now. The pursuit of happiness is only worthwhile if I can actually get what I'm pursuing - and I can't right now. It wouldn't be right, it wouldn't be honorable, and it's not what God wants me to do.

I've decided that I'm gonna have to trust God completely for the answers. I don't know what I'm thinking right now. I'm very confused. I know that I can only look to Christ for wisdom and guidance.

To Live Is Christ -- To Die Is Gain

6.01.2010

Beloved of Christ, I am adopted
I am the brother of Christ -- adopted
Into the family of God, I desire
Only to do the will of my Father, who is wiser
And to see His Kingdom come on Earth,
His Kingdom come on Earth just like
His Kingdom in Heaven -- Your Kingdom come.

One day I'm gonna see the Christ -- God-Man
And Savior of the whole world, crucified
But risen again -- He's coming in glory
The risen Lamb, the King of Justice, King
Over all that is, over all that was, will be
King on a white horse, robe dipped on blood -- red
With blood. His name written down, Lord of Lords.

He is my King, He's coming again in glory
Flaming sword at His side, proclaiming justice
To the whe world, Yes the whole world
They shall see His judgment come, poured
Out, poured out on mankind, on those
Whose names are not written in the Book
The Book of Life is my ticket home.

My home is with God, His home is here
When He cleanses the Earth, cleansing with fire
When the seas are gone, the ocean is no more
Jerusalem comes down, the Father too -- dwell
With mankind -- His creation. His creation of love.
Sun, moon, and stars -- their light is not needed
The glory of God -- He as a light shining.

Christ is coming again, coming again in glory
I want to see that day, hear those trumpets
What God has for me until then is this:
He wants me to proclaim Truth -- the Truth
His Wors is Truth, Jesus is the Word, so
The God-Man I will proclaim. My life is His,
I've given it over, I will live until I die
          For Him.

peace-flow

5.17.2010

when all around me is crashing like waves against a cliff, when the stress is too much for me to handle on my own -- God I look to You. when everything seems like a storm, lightning and thunder and tornado and like a hurricane in my soul, You alone can give me peace. Peace like a river can consume my soul, peace like still waters and green pastures. though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, because you are with me. When I am falsely accused I will not fear justice, because You are the justice-giver, great God Almighty. I love You and serve You and You alone, You will protect me, Your rod and staff will comfort me and they will indeed provide the security to give me peace for my soul. You fill my cup and it runs over with Your grace and goodness to me, Your promises are everlasting, Almighty and True is Your Word, I love my great and all-powerful God, great and awesome is He. One day He is coming again, until that day I will wait, looking forward to it with Joy and longing. You grant me Your peace, Your promise I claim as mine. When I feel as though I'm on a tempest tossed ocean, all alone, You cover me and lift me with Your hand, and I can feel peace. Peace in Your word, peace through Your promises, peace through Your Son -- and peace through the Holy Spirit, messenger of God given to me. Peace like a quiet rain, peace like a mother's touch, peace like a gentle breeze blowing, peace like a calm lake at sunrise. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Glory Revealed

5.14.2010

Sometimes I wake up early in the morning
I see the sun rising, in all of its glory
Shining brightly, spreading light throughout the heaven
It shouts His glory and His praise -- Creator God

Late at night, when I look to the stars above
I see the handiwork of the Mighty One
Lord of all His creation -- Loving Father
If I did not speak in praise, stones would cry out!

The green grass growing, blue water swiftly flowing
Stately oaks, majestic elms, great sequoias
A whisper, a shout, a song -- You brought them forth
Ex nihilim -- out of nothing You created all

I laugh when I feel the rain fall on my skin
Thank You for Your promise -- rainbow in heaven
I swim in the river, then bask in the sun
Your glory, explained by the light of Your Word

     All points to You -- the Creator and Maker
     Heaven and Earth bow down
     Declaring Your praises
     Here below.

Deep Thoughts...Deep Prayer...Hard Battle

5.02.2010

It sucks when spiritual warfare hits close. I mean, it's what I've been asking God to do with my life. It's what God wants me to do with my life. Preaching the truth to the world, no matter what the cost, no matter what the price. But it's hard, and it hurts, when your own friends are the one's you have to fight. God, give me strength and grace. I can't do this.

When the truth comes out before my eyes
And it's not what I thought it would be
When the truth comes out, and it's all lies
God, what do I do? Only You, not Me
Can help me now, I'm hurt and weary.

What can I say, what can I do?
Spiritual battle is Your will for me, I know
Your Word I'll say, 'cuz Your Word is true
Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, You show
Your love through Him, He was brought low.

Your love, Your peace, Your grace
Are the only things that keep me going
I'll fight the fight, I'll run that race
With power, because You are showing
Me the straight and narrow path to tread.

Glory to God, King of Kings
Ashle-Deio, Your will work in me
Undule-Sheio, to You the choir sings
Beautiful Savior, You died so I am free
To worship You, and live with You, in glory.

Come quickly, Christ Jesus, come marry Your bride
I'm impatient, I know, and I'll wait if I must
You've got things for me to conquer, like my pride
God, I'm ready. So can't you just
Come now? Why wait? God, I'm ready.

I'm ready for Your return, Christ Jesus. Come quickly.

[Amani Salvadori]

4.27.2010

When the fires in my life are raging,
When they are too big for me to control,
     Where should I go?
     Where should I look?
     What should I do?

If I'm trusting in myself, I'm lost,
If I'm thinking I can handle it, I lie,
     Where should I go?
     Where should I look?
     What should I do?

God, what can I do? I'm so pathetic.
I'm lost on my own, only You can save me.
     I'm coming to You.
     I'm looking to You.
     I'm doing Your will.

You have put out all the fires in my stead,
You sent Your Son, to pay the cost - covered me.
     I'm safe with You.
     I'm free with You.
     I'm secure in You.

God I don't want to be stupid, really...
From now on, I'm just gonna do Your will.

Heart Cry

4.22.2010

Heavenly Father, Almighty God
Holy Spirit, Dwell in me
Christ Jesus, come quickly

Heavenly Father, Powerful Maker
Holy Spirit, fill my life
Come quickly, Christ Jesus

Heavenly Father, God Most High
Holy Spirit, live in me
Christ Jesus, come quickly

I want to see you ride, Holy Christ
My Savior, the Living God
Come quickly, Risen King

You are coming again, Bright and Glorious
Savior of the World, Groom to the Bride
Risen King, come quickly

One day I will see Your face
Savior of my soul, Great Judge
Come quickly, Risen King

He is coming for His Bride, the Church
I am one of His sons, His child
Son of God, care for me

One of His chosen, called His by name
I speak the truth, proclaim it to the world
Care for me, Son of God

No matter what comes, I look ahead
Looking forward to Christ's return, that Holy day
Son of God, care for me

For now I will wait, I will be content
With where I am, with what God wants
Lamb of God, lead me

I will follow His will, work for His glory
Moment by moment seeking, acting in God's will
Lead me, Lamb of God

Christ before, behind, and all around me
I fear no evil, because He is with me
Lamb of God, lead me

Come quickly Christ Jesus, Savior, Messiah
My life is His, it's Christ's alone
In Faith alone, will I live

Lamb of God, Prince of Peace, Almighty Judge
Take my life, as an instrument of Your will
I will live by Grace alone

Almighty God, Maker of Heaven, Creator of Earth
Nothing and no one else satisfies my soul
Because of Christ alone, will I live.

Freaked Out - Restored

4.20.2010

Woke up one morning, in a cold sweat
Heart racing, blood pumping, I was
Totally freaked out. At what I had
Seen, 'cuz it was me, but doing things
And living a life I thought was over.

My God saved me - this I know
Took my sins, and washed me white as snow
I no longer live that life, My God
He saved my life, I don't need to
Freak out - I'm just gonna have some Jesus time.

That's what I like about God's Word
His Word heals, restores, brings peace to me
There are green pastures there, He leads me to
Still waters, He makes my soul feel new
Psalm 23 - read it man. It's good.

Spirit to Spirit...

So lately I've been writing song lyrics/poetry, whatever you like to call it. It's been really cool to me to see how God gives me these things to write down. I'm going to start sharing some of it on here.

Who leads me by still waters,
    restores my soul?
He who created me, breathed me,
    made me whole.
The Lord God Almighty,
    why should He -
Creator-God, Majestic,
    untethered, free -
Bind Himself to be like me,
    born as a man?
Taking on body and flesh,
    child of a woman.
Eternal Father, watching Son on Earth
    grow, with love.
Into a man, strong, powerful -
    Father sent a dove
To declare the Man, Jesus,
    His only Son.
Baptized in water, now sweating blood,
    "Thy will be done"
Jesus prayed, as in Gethsemane,
    He sweated in agony.
The priests came, the soldiers too,
    hung Him on that tree.
Son of God, He is my love,
    Who died in love for me.
One day I'll see Him again
    He is coming to see
The outcome of His Sacrifice of love
    His blood poured out
            On me.

Randomishness Stuff

4.17.2010

Today has really been just an off day. I've felt like crap due to allergies/being a little sick, I'm exhausted, I've been spiritually attacked all day, and it's just been a pretty draining day. Looking back on why it's been so hard today, I've realized that a large part of it, probably the greatest part of my problem, is that for the past few days I haven't been seeking God. I've been praying, but I haven't been seeking Him. I've slacked off in my Bible reading, and I've been just coasting "on my reserves." That's a really bad place to be. I'm rather fed up with myself because of it. Because I haven't been seeking Christ diligently, I've been weak and succumbed to spiritual attack. I've repented and renounced my sin before God, and I'm not going to go down that path again, but I'm fed up with who I am.

My prayer is that God would change me. I've been coasting in between lessons for a little while now, and I need God to teach me again. I've been learning from Him, but I need Him to change my life yet again, for His glory and my good. I know it will be hard, but that's what I need.

On a slightly different note, I'm just going to put out my ideas about church briefly. First, I believe that the church is the body of believers in the Lord Jesus Christ. It's not about the building, the denomination, or set of doctrine that any group believes in. It's the body of believers around the world that all claim the risen Christ as Savior. I also believe that the act of going to church is for the purpose of fellowship with the church - fellowship with other believers. A belief that follows from this is my belief that church can happen anywhere that a group of believers gathers. Fellowship between believers constitutes church. I believe that teaching is good, but that is not the point of church. The main point of church is for believers to come together in Christian fellowship and in worship and praise of our God.

I don't know if I will ever be a part of a church where everybody believes what I do. I doubt it. I know that someday I will probably have to settle in one church that I mostly agree with, but I think that it is a sad thing that the church is so split today. Denominations may serve some purpose, but personally, I think that God doesn't like them. The church is His bride that He is coming to claim soon, and if all of these different denominations are quarreling and arguing over differing beliefs, how does that show unity? There is only one bride, not many.

There are so many things that I am pondering...good things, but hard things. Maybe I'm being a little pessimistic here, but I almost feel as if things have been going to smoothly and too easily for too long. I just know something is gonna happen soon...I just pray that it would be something that God will teach me through, and that He would give me the grace to learn what He has for me to learn.

I love all of you so much...I miss my friends back home, but I'm also going to miss everybody here at school when you all leave this summer. I'm praying for all of you.

He is Risen!

4.04.2010

He is risen indeed! I'm still up in Michigan at the Knudsen's, but yesterday I felt that God wanted me to just stay here and not go to church this morning. So instead of going to church with everyone, I just stayed here, read the Psalms and Proverb of the day, went on a walk, read through the resurrection accounts in the Gospels, and continued reading in Revelation. Spent some time in pray and just listening to God. It was good. I think that doing something like this is a big thing that I missed at the beginning of last semester - I didn't go into the semester having sought God, and just spent some time alone with Him, seeking Him.

I'm really looking forward to this summer. I mean, this next semester is going to be really cool - God has given me a lot of motivation and excitement for what He is going to teach me, and just for my studies, but when I look forward to working on the movie this summer, I am filled with joy. I finally am sure that it is what God is wanting me to do, and I am content with the fact that I probably won't be going back to school for the summer semester.

In regards to going back to school in August: I've been praying about finances and God providing for that for awhile, but today I just asked God to speak to me. He did, and gave me peace about not worrying about it. He didn't say that I would be going back - in fact I don't think that I will be going back - but I know that He wants me to work on this film, and not worry about finances. I love the feeling that accompanies being in God's will - I truly "taste and see that the Lord is good."

God bless all of you this Easter!

It's been awhile...

4.01.2010

Looking back over the past year, I can see how God has taught me and brought me through so much. It's crazy and insane to even consider how much I (or rather God) has done, what I've experienced, the joy and pain I've gone through, but I know that it has happened, and that by God's grace, I've come through, and I am a stronger Christian and a better follower of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The past year has been a roller coaster, in more ways than just one or two.
Just a few more days than a year ago,  I went through a pretty bad breakup. I spent a few months bouncing around, getting into some stuff that I shouldn't have, creating a lot of emotional ties that would come back to bite me later. After a few months, I though I was over it. I wasn't, but I spent the rest of the summer and early fall proving to myself and everyone else that I was okay - pretty much by hanging out and having a blast with my friends all the time.

God used the Singles WIT Conference in September to begin the process of breaking the walls and facades of who I was pretending to be, and stripping away the habits and attitudes that I had taken on. I'd become a very emotionally driven, dependent, proud, selfish, rebellious, love-hungry person. I was trying to fulfill these things through other people - mainly girls - and God was using different things to teach me what I was, first, truly looking for, and second, how to find it.

At the WIT Conference, God started to break me. There was a lot of bitterness that I had stored up, and He took it away during those four days. I finally finished and submitted my application for Verity, and just 3 weeks later, I started orientation. I was intending to be a distance student - now, I have a hard time imagining what it would be like at home. God told me that I needed to be on campus, so my parents decided that I would be on campus. We are just trusting God for the money as it comes, and it's awesome. We have nothing for next year, but He has provided for this year and I am confident that He will continue to do so for wherever he wants me.

During the past two semesters at school, I have learned more from God than I have actual school or "head knowledge" - I really don't think that is a bad thing. I've had some big lessons to learn, and I've been grateful for the people that God has put in my life right now to teach me those things. On a little bit of a side note, I think that God is giving me a small break, to study some things in Scripture that I've wanted to study for awhile, but that I haven't had time to do.

An overarching theme of the whole last year is God's grace and justice. It has been really cool to see how God doesn't let me get away with anything, but He also gives me the grace to learn from my mistakes and to change my heart.

God is awesome.

Brief snippet of life...

3.10.2010

Went home last weekend, and had a really good talk Saturday afternoon
with Drew and Heather...cleared up some misunderstandings and stuff,
and hung out. There was a conference going on at College Park, so I
caught the last part of that. One of the highlights of my day was the
concert by Fernando Ortega Saturday night. That was awesome...his CDs
don't do him justice. He is one of those artists that is WAY better
live than recorded.


Sent from my iPod

Should be done now...

3.05.2010

Ok...all the changes and updates should be set for my blog now. That was definitely a crazy set of circumstances...at the same time that I transferred my blog to my domain, my source for theme elements (the server that was hosting them) disappeared. For a little while I wasn't sure what the problem was, but I got it figured out eventually. Interesting fact...the last few themes I've had I found online and then heavily edited, to the point that I was making code changes significant enough that the theme becomes mine, thus I don't credit the original source. I'm not trying to steal anything here, I just feel that after a certain point of editing heavily the work becomes my own.

Let me know what you think about the new look and slightly different feel - I'm open to making a few more changes if I need to!

New look, new address...

3.02.2010

After some minor trouble and much annoyance, I now have my own domain, some free web hosting, I'm looking forward to hosting my own web server soon, and life is moving briskly!

I had to completely redo my blog themes and everything, because the server that I was pulling my theme elements from is giving me 404 errors. So, I just simplified it, and we'll see what I can do with it in the near future. The main thing that is different about my blog is that the domain has changed: My blog is now at http://cityboy319.alexanderganahl.com, as you can see above.

I'm toying with the idea of starting a vlog...if I do I will throw up some links to it on here. Let me know what you think...if that's an interesting idea or what. My picture blog is pretty much a fail...mainly due to the fact that I really don't have a lot of pictures that I take...really, I don't...

May the Lord bless you today!

stream flow

2.24.2010

listening to the avatar soundtrack with eyes closed, typing as the words flow, it's 2:30 in the morning, my favorite time of the night. I think about what needs to be done - an essay to write, papers to grade, life to live, and remember a conversation earlier with my room mates. life is so futile. no matter what we do, it's no more than a mark on the page of a much greater book, written by God. nothing that I can do will really affect the outcome of what happens in the end. I am so small and insignificant. the music fades out...another song fades in...i still have my eyes closed. i can hear nothing else, i feel the chill air in my room, the weight of my headphones presses on my head - not uncomfortable. I feel the cord fall down my back, gently brushing against my shoulder as I move...themusic picks up pace...I can envision what is happeneing in the movie...I shiver a little as the cold strikes me. I will go to bed soon, my caffeine buzz is wearing off...i'm starting to shake. so much to do, so much that i need to get done, so much that i want to do. but it's all worthless if i don't keep my focus on my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. so much stress in my life...why? surrendur to God, He will take care of me...I miss my friends...my long talks...the peace of mind that I once had. Life used to be so simple, and yet even then I thought it complicated. The song changes again, I'mstarting to get tired. thoughts slowing down...filled with the desire for sleep and yet to wired to fall asleep...that's why i'm still working at 2:30 in the morning...I remember being downtown at this time over the summer...I want to do that again this summer. with my friends...just hanging out at all hours of the night. learning so much about tech stuff...unix, linus, terminal in Mac...fun stuff and yet I am struck with the utter futility of life and begin to question my existence...why do I live? and then I remember...I live to serve my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ...that is reason sufficient for me. The music changes yet again...quieter again...stereo effects are amazing...I can hear every detail...my headphones cancel out every other sound. i can't even hear myself typing...my roommates are asleep. John in his bed beside me tyler in his bed to my right...my bed is to my left, waiting for me to get into it...i remember that I have twitter duty for school tomorrow...and am struck with the feeling that I now have conflicting activities on Satrday but don' tremember what...oh yeah its a church activity and then ice skating possibly...my life is too packed...i should slow down and concentrate on school and what I'm here to do...but then i would miss out on hanging out with my friends..i need to hang out with them more...Drew is leaving in just a couple months...i may only see him a couple times between now and then...he's goign to be gone for a long time...the music picks up...i've still got my eyes closed...i can sense nothing other then the chair i'm sitting on and my keyboard at my fingertips...and my headphones/chord falling down my back...my foot is starting to hurt...i'm sitting on it...my thoughts are stoping...i think it's time for sleep...just a couple hours..s...i'm going to drink a lot of coffee tomorrow...good night

You spin me right round...

2.18.2010

On and on and on and on and on...why can't I just step off for a minute to catch my breath? The past couple weeks have just flown by in a blur. US History I was a lot of fun with Mr Miller, but I had a hard time finding time to study during the study week. Just too much to do, and I was not managing my time well either. I ended up working on coursework some of the time, but honestly...I don't know where a lot of the time went. It was one of those weeks that I felt busy all the time, but looking back on it I just don't know where the days went.

Overall, though, life has been going pretty well. I've been scrambling a lot, but that's not entirely my fault - Uncle Father Jim died, and there has been a lot of stuff going on with that, my family going out to California and all the stress involved with that. I have to go home and feed the cats every day...not a huge stress, just time consuming.

God has taught me so much over the past month, it's mind-boggling. Pretty much the only way I can deal with the sheer quantity I've been taught is to just realize that I've changed, continue living the way that I am an applying what I was taught, and not worry about it. To just continue to live moment by moment, every moment in God's will, striving for His glory in all that I do.

Having a few minutes...

2.08.2010

Of a Monday morning I am usually granted a few precious minutes of my day to call mine...it all depends on how long my encouragement group takes. This morning I have about 1/2 of an hour. I shall attempt to use it wisely.

Oooooohhhhh my has a lot happened since my last post. God has been teaching me so much! As of right now, I am still on C status but I should be going back up to B status today. I am not going to spend this post spouting off what God taught me, but if you email me then I will most gladly share my thoughts on manhood and friendship with you.

I went dancing last weekend, which activity was loads of fun.

Friday night games, led by Vanessa, have become a staple of my weekend life.

Taylor and Whitney Lindsey are back at school!

I do believe that those are the most important things that have been going on...let's see I passed Western Civ I, I'm in US History I (testing on Friday), I am taking a course in World Literature, I have 6 essays to grade for the D-roll students (at least 6...maybe more), I'd like to fit going to the Mission in today, and I am going to attempt to audit the Shakespeare class! I'm trying not to freak out...but it really is a ton!

Anyway. May God bless each of you in your endeavors this week.

I'm hungry and tired and stressed.

1.23.2010

Meh...I don't think this post will be either encouraging or edifying. I'm just gonna kinda put some thoughts out there and then go to bed...and hopefully post again tomorrow from a (hopefully) better frame of mind.

For some reason I decided that it would be a good idea to play volleyball tonight at the gym...one of my seemingly bright ideas at the time. The first couple of games were ok. Won one and lost one, and had some fun. It was just fun...not too competitive, but not just messing around either. It was a good balance. I should have quit while I was ahead...but I kept playing for the rest of the night, just getting more and more annoyed and fed up with it all. I knew better I guess...I just kept on playing for some reason. This week has pretty much been wasted for me, class-wise. Mr. Federer is an awesome speaker with a lot of really good things to say, but quite honestly this week has been wasted for Western Civ I. I'm going to have to spend all this weekend and next week studying like crazy for a class that I should have learned most of this past week.

On a slightly brighter note, the Dual Enrollment students have gone through and finished with their orientation, and I will begin my duties as a Student Counselor for three of them next week. They are some really great guys. The program has come such a long way since I was going through it, it's really cool.

I guess in summary the week has overall stunk, but it has had a couple bright points. I guess a good thing to do would be to focus on the bright spots, and where God is leading me and on what He is teaching me, rather than seeing the whole as depressing...

Maybe I'll get over it by morning ;)

Just for fun...

1.21.2010

  • If I were a month, I'd be March...if I was in California.
  • If I were a day of the week, I'd be Friday...cuz the party starts Friday night.
  • If I were a time of day, I'd be 3 in the morning.
  • If I were a planet, I'd be Neptune.
  • If I were a sea animal, I'd be a clownfish...isn't Nemo awesome?
  • If I were a direction, I'd be West, cuz the best side is the West Side baby!
  • If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be a love sack...google it ;)
  • If I were a liquid, I'd be a SoBe No Fear. Love me or hate me.
  • If I were a gemstone, I'd be aquamarine. Or a blue diamond.
  • If I were a tree, I'd be a sequoia...It's hard to change me, and I stick around for a long time...
  • If I were a plant, I'd be a single rose, growing out of a crack in the sidewalk.
  • If I were a kind of weather, I'd be what comes right after the calm before the storm...the wind, the clouds, the smell, the density of the air...
  • If I were a musical instrument, I'd be a violin.
  • If I were a color, I'd be slate blue...kinda graphite and blue mixed.
  • If I were an emotion, I'd be love and depression.
  • If I were a fruit, I'd be a pear.
  • If I were a sound, I'd be a comforting word...or a kick in the rear.
  • If I were an element, I'd be fire.
  • If I were a car, I would be a Dodge Charger.
  • If I were a food, I’d be a sizzling fajita...hot and spicy, but oh so good ;)
  • If I were a material, I'd be leather...smooth, but tough and rugged if needed.
  • If I were a scent, I'd be: Currently? Axe Instinct.
  • If I were an object, I'd be a yo-yo...up and down...up and down...
  • If I were a facial expression I'd be blank.
  • If I were a song, I'd be Don't Stay by Linkin Park, and/or Broken Vow by Josh Groban and/or My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. But probably My Immortal by Evanescence
  • If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be dance shoes...black leather, nicely fitted...so smooth on that floor ;)
  • If I were a relationship status, I'd be complicated...why? Because relationships are.
  • If I were a kiss, I'd be nothing approved...but it would be good. "You" would like it...
  • If I were a smile, I'd be given to someone for a certain reason, at the right time.

This was actually kinda fun...

*face palm*

1.19.2010

Don't kill me...please? I know, I know...I'm going against all my principles of web design...I added music to my blog. Yikes! Horrors. Don't know how long it will last, kinda depends on the feedback I get I guess. And how slow it makes my blog. Right now it seems to be loading ok, but if it starts slowing down then I will probably take the music off again. And hey...let me know what kind of music you like, I'll take it under consideration and maybe I'll add it. If you post a link from playlist.com in the comments then I will be more likely to add it...just sayin'.

That's all I have to say.

Striving for Glory

1.18.2010



God's glory, that is. Here at school we have accountability groups that meet every Monday morning, and part of what we do is summarize the last week in a word, and try to look forward and summarize the next week in a word. My word for last week was "refocus." It seemed fitting, as the last week was about refocusing what I depend on, what I need, where my focus is placed, and all of that. Looking forward to this week, I chose the word "malleable." My prayer for this week is that I would be shaped, sculpted by God, re-formed, molded into what He wants me to be. I don't know right now if God has something drastic in mind for me or if it will be something small. All that I know is that I need to be open to whatever He is going to do.

Sarah and Judith are back which is awesome, I went to watch the Colts-Ravens game at the McCray's on Saturday and the Colts won, which was awesome, and I have had a couple of really good talks with a couple of different people about what's been going on with me here at school, which was really good. So overall, the past few days have actually been more of a blessing than anything else.

Western Civilizations I class started today, with Dr. Bill Federer. He's a great teacher, and this is a very interesting subject. Should be a fun class.

Friends, what can I say...I can only say it so many ways. Thank you all so much for understanding where I'm at right now, and being willing to encourage me and lift me up, but not afraid to challenge me on things that I need to change. Love you all and I thank God for you!

An update on life...

1.15.2010


Ok...so I really like Wordle at the moment...it really is a lot of fun. Right now I'm kinda just in a blue funk over life. I'll get over it eventually, I always do. But until then it's gonna be pretty bad. If you see me moping around, or just avoiding people in general it's ok. I'm not angry with anyone, I'm not mad at anyone, I just need time to think and study Scripture for awhile. Over the past few weeks God has really hit me with a lot, and I've not been ready for it. It's been really hard for me to adjust to being back at school, with all the rules, all the things that I'm not allowed to do and the limits on what I can do. I thought that I could be who I am, but after a couple of talks with someone I've realized that I've got to either change who I am or I've got to change what I do while I'm at school. Either way it's going to be really hard. I know that I can change what I do temporarily - I've done it before. It's not been easy, but I've done it. I know that I can't change who I am, that only God can do that. I don't know if that's what God wants me to do or not. I'm really confused right now.

Since I've come to school I've felt very spiritual oppressed. I'm really missing the people who were here last semester who aren't back yet, like Taylor, Whitney, Judith, and Sarah. Di Iulio too, and he's not even coming back. It's been really, really rough for me and a lot of others. I've developed friendships with people that maybe I shouldn't have developed right now, but I feel like I've not done anything wrong either. My mind hasn't been this messed up since last March, and that's saying something. It took me 9 months to get over that. I can't afford 9 months this time.

God is trying to teach me something, but I'm not sure what yet. He is bringing me back through lessons and trials that I've already gone through - He is making me relive situations in my mind that I can't change, that I can't go back and undo, that I can only think about. I'm either going to go insane, or I'm going to grow from this. I want to grow from this, but it is so hard!

My prayer is that I would be clay in the Master Potter's hands, that I would be a lamb following the Shepherd, that I would be a pillar of stone in the Sculptor's hands. Do I want to ask to be broken? I've asked before...it hurt so bad. Can I go through that again? I guess that the only way that I was able to endure last time was through Christ in me - it wasn't my strength, but Christ's in me.

So many thoughts swirling around in my head...I could keep writing for hours. This will do for now, I guess. Please pray for me, pray for wisdom, pray for insights into God's word, and pray for mental clarity. This is gonna be really hard.

I love each and every one of you so much.

World Religions and Wordle...a great combo...

1.08.2010


So many "-isms" it's hard to keep track of...maybe this graphic will help! Seriously though, World Religions has been a lot of fun, and I'm looking forward to the self study time next week. I've got a lot of ideas for what to study, and I'm going to be doing a ton of reading! I've got some homework I still need to finish, some practice tests I still need to take, but class is almost over for today and I'm going home for the weekend and I was able to have a good talk with Gracie last night that was really encouraging and I've been having way to much fun with TwitStats and Wordle. And yeah. I'm just a little hyper...I'm looking forward to ice skating with my family this weekend, I'm gonna be working on the missions newsletter with Vicki tonight/tomorrow, and I've pretty much settled that "resistance is useless" because God is in control of my life and it's no use trying to do anything outside of His will, because I've given Him total control and I'm not gonna take it back. Praise God for all that He has done in my life in the past few months, and pray for me that I would continue to grow, and continue to depend on Him for my strength. I didn't have much of a break after last semester because I was working full time, and my next break between now and the end of May is only a week, so I know that school is gonna get really hard in a month or two. I switched majors officially, so I'm now doing English (should be a lot of fun!)

Love you all, and may God make His face to shine upon you, may you see His hand in your lives always.

Confucius say...

1.07.2010

  • Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.
  • Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
  • House without toilet is uncanny.
  • Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
  • Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.
  • Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.
  • Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.
  • Man who walk in middle of road get run over by bus.
  • Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
  • Man who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.
  • Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.
  • Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy
  • Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.
  • Man with no legs bums around.
  • Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
  • Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
  • He who stand on toilet, high on pot.
  • He who eat cookie in bed, will wake up feeling crumby.
  • He who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver.
  • He who put face in punch bowl get punch in nose.
  • He who stick head in open window get pane in neck.
  • He who stick head in oven get baked bean.
  • If you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented.
  • Man who abuse his computer get bad bytes!
  • Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.
  • Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!
  • Man who sit on hot stove will rise again.
  • Man who sit on tack get point! 
Yeah...World Religions class...studying Confucianism today...really couldn't help myself...

Over already?

1.03.2010

In some ways break has been way too long, yet in others it seems like I was just saying goodbye to all my classmates a few days ago. God has been continuing to work in me, and I'm excited to see what God has been doing in their lives over break.

I should be packing right now, actually, I should have been done packing and have moved my stuff earlier today but as usual I just decided to start the semester with an all-nighter and pack all my stuff tonight. Brilliant, I know. You don't have to applaud or anything.

Anyway...I'm just thinking...lot's of things running through my head for this next year ;)

Love you all.

2010 and counting...

1.01.2010

2010...wow. Looking back it seems like just yesterday that I was celebrating the new millennium. How time flies...so much has happened. I have loved and lost, I have been in high school and college, I've worked part time and full time, I've made friends and lost friends, I've thrown hours and hours away on Facebook and I've deleted my account. So many different experiences, so much time wasted, yet when I look back on this last year I can hardly believe that I have actually done so much.

If I were asked to describe this past year in one phrase, I would say that "God is sufficient." He is sufficient, not just for what I need, but over and beyond. So much has been given to me - and so much has been required. God is good.

As I look forward to this new year, the year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Ten, I am eager to be where God wants me to be, doing what He wants me to do, being who God wants me to be. I want to continue to live a life of prayer and complete dependence on God for direction and guidance.

Happy New Year!


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