1.15.2010
Since I've come to school I've felt very spiritual oppressed. I'm really missing the people who were here last semester who aren't back yet, like Taylor, Whitney, Judith, and Sarah. Di Iulio too, and he's not even coming back. It's been really, really rough for me and a lot of others. I've developed friendships with people that maybe I shouldn't have developed right now, but I feel like I've not done anything wrong either. My mind hasn't been this messed up since last March, and that's saying something. It took me 9 months to get over that. I can't afford 9 months this time.
God is trying to teach me something, but I'm not sure what yet. He is bringing me back through lessons and trials that I've already gone through - He is making me relive situations in my mind that I can't change, that I can't go back and undo, that I can only think about. I'm either going to go insane, or I'm going to grow from this. I want to grow from this, but it is so hard!
My prayer is that I would be clay in the Master Potter's hands, that I would be a lamb following the Shepherd, that I would be a pillar of stone in the Sculptor's hands. Do I want to ask to be broken? I've asked before...it hurt so bad. Can I go through that again? I guess that the only way that I was able to endure last time was through Christ in me - it wasn't my strength, but Christ's in me.
So many thoughts swirling around in my head...I could keep writing for hours. This will do for now, I guess. Please pray for me, pray for wisdom, pray for insights into God's word, and pray for mental clarity. This is gonna be really hard.
I love each and every one of you so much.
4 comments:
You have my prayers. I know that feeling of frustrated despair. It's going to be good, though...the best lessons come from the hardest times.
Oh, Alex. You know we all love you, and we're praying for you. That's just who we are, and it's what our class does. You're never alone, and God has put you where you are for a reason. Think things through on your own, like you're doing, but remember that you have plenty of people here to think them through with you.
Keep praying, and be comforted.
Romans 5
3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
Alex, brother, as a Chinese proverb says, "Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still." I will be praying for you as I always have. God is always good. It may be a while, but we're always together in spirit.
The Lord bless you with His peace and understanding as you grow through this time.
Hey bro. You know that I will continue praying for you as you go through this time of growing. God is working in you to make you more like Himself. Keep seeking Him. You are an essential part of the '11ses class. Love ya bro.
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