Lost inside...

6.20.2010

The past week has been pretty rough for me, for some reason. For the longest time, I couldn't think of why. I'm where I want to be, doing what I want to be doing, with the people that I want to be doing it with. So why am I feeling so down?

Over the past couple of days, I've slowly been figuring it out. It's because I'm torn. I'm torn between what I really believe, and what I think I believe. I'm torn between what I am, and what I should be. I'm torn between the people that I love. I'm torn between love and like. I'm torn between respect and emotions.

I've decided that life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is overrated. It's all well and good, but what is life? It happens. Living is just something that I do. Liberty isn't freedom. It's restriction. And I'm having a hard time with that right now. The pursuit of happiness is only worthwhile if I can actually get what I'm pursuing - and I can't right now. It wouldn't be right, it wouldn't be honorable, and it's not what God wants me to do.

I've decided that I'm gonna have to trust God completely for the answers. I don't know what I'm thinking right now. I'm very confused. I know that I can only look to Christ for wisdom and guidance.