I'm hungry and tired and stressed.

1.23.2010

Meh...I don't think this post will be either encouraging or edifying. I'm just gonna kinda put some thoughts out there and then go to bed...and hopefully post again tomorrow from a (hopefully) better frame of mind.

For some reason I decided that it would be a good idea to play volleyball tonight at the gym...one of my seemingly bright ideas at the time. The first couple of games were ok. Won one and lost one, and had some fun. It was just fun...not too competitive, but not just messing around either. It was a good balance. I should have quit while I was ahead...but I kept playing for the rest of the night, just getting more and more annoyed and fed up with it all. I knew better I guess...I just kept on playing for some reason. This week has pretty much been wasted for me, class-wise. Mr. Federer is an awesome speaker with a lot of really good things to say, but quite honestly this week has been wasted for Western Civ I. I'm going to have to spend all this weekend and next week studying like crazy for a class that I should have learned most of this past week.

On a slightly brighter note, the Dual Enrollment students have gone through and finished with their orientation, and I will begin my duties as a Student Counselor for three of them next week. They are some really great guys. The program has come such a long way since I was going through it, it's really cool.

I guess in summary the week has overall stunk, but it has had a couple bright points. I guess a good thing to do would be to focus on the bright spots, and where God is leading me and on what He is teaching me, rather than seeing the whole as depressing...

Maybe I'll get over it by morning ;)

Just for fun...

1.21.2010

• If I were a month, I'd be March...if I was in California.
• If I were a day of the week, I'd be Friday...cuz the party starts Friday night.
• If I were a time of day, I'd be 3 in the morning.
• If I were a planet, I'd be Neptune.
• If I were a sea animal, I'd be a clownfish...isn't Nemo awesome?
• If I were a direction, I'd be West, cuz the best side is the West Side baby!
• If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be a love sack...google it ;)
• If I were a liquid, I'd be a SoBe No Fear. Love me or hate me.
• If I were a gemstone, I'd be aquamarine. Or a blue diamond.
• If I were a tree, I'd be a sequoia...It's hard to change me, and I stick around for a long time...
• If I were a plant, I'd be a single rose, growing out of a crack in the sidewalk.
• If I were a kind of weather, I'd be what comes right after the calm before the storm...the wind, the clouds, the smell, the density of the air...
• If I were a musical instrument, I'd be a violin.
• If I were a color, I'd be slate blue...kinda graphite and blue mixed.
• If I were an emotion, I'd be love and depression.
• If I were a fruit, I'd be a pear.
• If I were a sound, I'd be a comforting word...or a kick in the rear.
• If I were an element, I'd be fire.
• If I were a car, I would be a Dodge Charger.
• If I were a food, I’d be a sizzling fajita...hot and spicy, but oh so good ;)
• If I were a material, I'd be leather...smooth, but tough and rugged if needed.
• If I were a scent, I'd be: Currently? Axe Instinct.
• If I were an object, I'd be a yo-yo...up and down...up and down...
• If I were a facial expression I'd be blank.
• If I were a song, I'd be Don't Stay by Linkin Park, and/or Broken Vow by Josh Groban and/or My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. But probably My Immortal by Evanescence
• If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be dance shoes...black leather, nicely fitted...so smooth on that floor ;)
• If I were a relationship status, I'd be complicated...why? Because relationships are.
• If I were a kiss, I'd be nothing approved...but it would be good. "You" would like it...
• If I were a smile, I'd be given to someone for a certain reason, at the right time.

This was actually kinda fun...

*face palm*

1.19.2010

Don't kill me...please? I know, I know...I'm going against all my principles of web design...I added music to my blog. Yikes! Horrors. Don't know how long it will last, kinda depends on the feedback I get I guess. And how slow it makes my blog. Right now it seems to be loading ok, but if it starts slowing down then I will probably take the music off again. And hey...let me know what kind of music you like, I'll take it under consideration and maybe I'll add it. If you post a link from playlist.com in the comments then I will be more likely to add it...just sayin'.

That's all I have to say.

Striving for Glory

1.18.2010

God's glory, that is. Here at school we have accountability groups that meet every Monday morning, and part of what we do is summarize the last week in a word, and try to look forward and summarize the next week in a word. My word for last week was "refocus." It seemed fitting, as the last week was about refocusing what I depend on, what I need, where my focus is placed, and all of that. Looking forward to this week, I chose the word "malleable." My prayer for this week is that I would be shaped, sculpted by God, re-formed, molded into what He wants me to be. I don't know right now if God has something drastic in mind for me or if it will be something small. All that I know is that I need to be open to whatever He is going to do.

Sarah and Judith are back which is awesome, I went to watch the Colts-Ravens game at the McCray's on Saturday and the Colts won, which was awesome, and I have had a couple of really good talks with a couple of different people about what's been going on with me here at school, which was really good. So overall, the past few days have actually been more of a blessing than anything else.

Western Civilizations I class started today, with Dr. Bill Federer. He's a great teacher, and this is a very interesting subject. Should be a fun class.

Friends, what can I say...I can only say it so many ways. Thank you all so much for understanding where I'm at right now, and being willing to encourage me and lift me up, but not afraid to challenge me on things that I need to change. Love you all and I thank God for you!

An update on life...

1.15.2010

Ok...so I really like Wordle at the moment...it really is a lot of fun. Right now I'm kinda just in a blue funk over life. I'll get over it eventually, I always do. But until then it's gonna be pretty bad. If you see me moping around, or just avoiding people in general it's ok. I'm not angry with anyone, I'm not mad at anyone, I just need time to think and study Scripture for awhile. Over the past few weeks God has really hit me with a lot, and I've not been ready for it. It's been really hard for me to adjust to being back at school, with all the rules, all the things that I'm not allowed to do and the limits on what I can do. I thought that I could be who I am, but after a couple of talks with someone I've realized that I've got to either change who I am or I've got to change what I do while I'm at school. Either way it's going to be really hard. I know that I can change what I do temporarily - I've done it before. It's not been easy, but I've done it. I know that I can't change who I am, that only God can do that. I don't know if that's what God wants me to do or not. I'm really confused right now.

Since I've come to school I've felt very spiritual oppressed. I'm really missing the people who were here last semester who aren't back yet, like Taylor, Whitney, Judith, and Sarah. Di Iulio too, and he's not even coming back. It's been really, really rough for me and a lot of others. I've developed friendships with people that maybe I shouldn't have developed right now, but I feel like I've not done anything wrong either. My mind hasn't been this messed up since last March, and that's saying something. It took me 9 months to get over that. I can't afford 9 months this time.

God is trying to teach me something, but I'm not sure what yet. He is bringing me back through lessons and trials that I've already gone through - He is making me relive situations in my mind that I can't change, that I can't go back and undo, that I can only think about. I'm either going to go insane, or I'm going to grow from this. I want to grow from this, but it is so hard!

My prayer is that I would be clay in the Master Potter's hands, that I would be a lamb following the Shepherd, that I would be a pillar of stone in the Sculptor's hands. Do I want to ask to be broken? I've asked before...it hurt so bad. Can I go through that again? I guess that the only way that I was able to endure last time was through Christ in me - it wasn't my strength, but Christ's in me.

So many thoughts swirling around in my head...I could keep writing for hours. This will do for now, I guess. Please pray for me, pray for wisdom, pray for insights into God's word, and pray for mental clarity. This is gonna be really hard.

I love each and every one of you so much.

World Religions and Wordle...a great combo...

1.08.2010

So many "-isms" it's hard to keep track of...maybe this graphic will help! Seriously though, World Religions has been a lot of fun, and I'm looking forward to the self study time next week. I've got a lot of ideas for what to study, and I'm going to be doing a ton of reading! I've got some homework I still need to finish, some practice tests I still need to take, but class is almost over for today and I'm going home for the weekend and I was able to have a good talk with Gracie last night that was really encouraging and I've been having way to much fun with TwitStats and Wordle. And yeah. I'm just a little hyper...I'm looking forward to ice skating with my family this weekend, I'm gonna be working on the missions newsletter with Vicki tonight/tomorrow, and I've pretty much settled that "resistance is useless" because God is in control of my life and it's no use trying to do anything outside of His will, because I've given Him total control and I'm not gonna take it back. Praise God for all that He has done in my life in the past few months, and pray for me that I would continue to grow, and continue to depend on Him for my strength. I didn't have much of a break after last semester because I was working full time, and my next break between now and the end of May is only a week, so I know that school is gonna get really hard in a month or two. I switched majors officially, so I'm now doing English (should be a lot of fun!)

Love you all, and may God make His face to shine upon you, may you see His hand in your lives always.

Confucius say...

1.07.2010

• Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.
• Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
• House without toilet is uncanny.
• Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
• Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.
• Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.
• Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.
• Man who walk in middle of road get run over by bus.
• Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
• Man who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.
• Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.
• Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy
• Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.
• Man with no legs bums around.
• Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
• Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
• He who stand on toilet, high on pot.
• He who eat cookie in bed, will wake up feeling crumby.
• He who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver.
• He who put face in punch bowl get punch in nose.
• He who stick head in open window get pane in neck.
• He who stick head in oven get baked bean.
• If you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented.
• Man who abuse his computer get bad bytes!
• Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.
• Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!
• Man who sit on hot stove will rise again.
• Man who sit on tack get point! 

Yeah...World Religions class...studying Confucianism today...really couldn't help myself...

Over already?

1.03.2010

In some ways break has been way too long, yet in others it seems like I was just saying goodbye to all my classmates a few days ago. God has been continuing to work in me, and I'm excited to see what God has been doing in their lives over break.

I should be packing right now, actually, I should have been done packing and have moved my stuff earlier today but as usual I just decided to start the semester with an all-nighter and pack all my stuff tonight. Brilliant, I know. You don't have to applaud or anything.

Anyway...I'm just thinking...lot's of things running through my head for this next year ;)

Love you all.

2010 and counting...

1.01.2010

2010...wow. Looking back it seems like just yesterday that I was celebrating the new millennium. How time flies...so much has happened. I have loved and lost, I have been in high school and college, I've worked part time and full time, I've made friends and lost friends, I've thrown hours and hours away on Facebook and I've deleted my account. So many different experiences, so much time wasted, yet when I look back on this last year I can hardly believe that I have actually done so much.

If I were asked to describe this past year in one phrase, I would say that "God is sufficient." He is sufficient, not just for what I need, but over and beyond. So much has been given to me - and so much has been required. God is good.

As I look forward to this new year, the year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Ten, I am eager to be where God wants me to be, doing what He wants me to do, being who God wants me to be. I want to continue to live a life of prayer and complete dependence on God for direction and guidance.

Happy New Year!