Life-Thoughts

7.30.2010

It is an odd feeling to have just passed the last two CLEPs that I needed. I'm not done with my degree, but I don't have any more CLEPs. It's somewhat weird, is all. Cool, but weird.

Looking back at the last couple of years, it is slightly amazing to me to realize that in only 15 months I have earned 96 credits toward my BA in English. I have 9 more credits scheduled to finish by the end of August, and then just 18 more after that. I'm almost done. Just a couple more semesters.

It is making me think hard about what I need to do over the next months, over the next year. I'm about to jump into life, and I don't know if I'm going to be ready. Sure, I'll have my BA in English, I'll know how to write, I've had a couple of jobs, and I've had a lot of varied experience doing different things. I'm very confidant by nature - but I just don't know if I will be ready or not. And that feeling of not knowing scares me.

It comes down to just one thing, in the end. It has been God who has given me the grace to pass all my tests and get all the credits. It will be God who gives me the grace to finish. I know, although I am afraid, that it will be God who will create the opportunities for my that I need for my career. If I am listening to His guiding voice, then He will take care of me.

And that is all that matters.

Interesting. Because I say it is.

7.26.2010



"But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful. Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?"
"On the other hand, we denounce with righteous indignation and dislike men who are so beguiled and demoralized by the charms of pleasure of the moment, so blinded by desire, that they cannot foresee the pain and trouble that are bound to ensue; and equal blame belongs to those who fail in their duty through weakness of will, which is the same as saying through shrinking from toil and pain. These cases are perfectly simple and easy to distinguish. In a free hour, when our power of choice is untrammelled and when nothing prevents our being able to do what we like best, every pleasure is to be welcomed and every pain avoided. But in certain circumstances and owing to the claims of duty or the obligations of business it will frequently occur that pleasures have to be repudiated and annoyances accepted. The wise man therefore always holds in these matters to this principle of selection: he rejects pleasures to secure other greater pleasures, or else he endures pains to avoid worse pains."

If anyone figures out what this is from, let me know. Some hints:
  • Extremely common
  • Has been used since the 1500s in basically the same form as it is used today
  • It's usually in a different language
I finally just looked something up that I've been mildly interested in and have used for awhile, just like everyone else.

Thank God For Love

7.25.2010

Confusion fills every waking thought
What happened? And why?
Where did the trust go, the love?
Almost enough to doubt it once existed.

New friends and new faces, sometimes
Only add to the mess that I am.
As soon as I have life resolved
The puzzle, once balanced, crashes down.

Picking up the endless pieces,
Trying to put my life back together
No longer seeking for romance
Yet always looking for true love.

I am content, I suppose. I will wait.
A few years from now, perhaps
The right girl will be waiting
For me to sweep her off her feet.

But idle dreaming only brings depression
Much better to live life with love
And joy, not with worry about the future
At peace where I am -- I am content.

In my search for true love
I discovered love's source.
Father-God manifested love through His Son
Jesus Christ is love embodied.

I get distracted, at times
Mistaking attraction for love.
But sometimes the love is real
Drawing us close in heart and soul.

Good friends are gifts from God
I love them, they love me, and together
We are filled with joy and happiness
This is true fellowship -- loving one another.

My thoughts fall into place eventually
It takes time, more than anything else
Time away, just thinking, praying, dreaming.
Then I make decisions, order the chaos.

I thank God for seasons
Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter
I thank God for friends
My love for them, theirs for me.

The fellowship is sweet that stems
From life-talks with the ones I love.
I pray that we will be friends forever.
I thank God for love:
                    His, mine, and ours.

Imagine:

7.18.2010

A man. Scarred and weatherworn. Clothed simply. Clean, but with dusty feet. Walking in the midst of a group of other men, distinguishable only because of the deference the others show to him. He has worked hard for most of his life, as evidenced by his muscular build. Not athletic, but sturdy and endurable. His calves are defined; he has walked the hills and rocky terrain often. Sandals, well-used, protect his feet from the road as he travels. The stamina that he demonstrates comes from a lifetime spent walking wherever he must go. Leathery skin speaks of the amount of time spent in the open air. His face is peaceful. No marks of anger crease his brow, rather, he most often smiles - easily seen at a glance. His eyes sparkle, clear and pure, reflecting the sun and yet seeming to reflect inner light as well. After a little while observing him, you see that he is teaching the other men. They hang on every word, as if in a desert, waiting for each drop of precious liquid to fall.

This man is my Lord and Savior.

This man gave His life so I could live.

This man loves me like none other

This man was of average appearance when He walked the earth.

This man is, was, and will be forever.

This is the God-Man, Jesus Christ.

To My Friends

7.15.2010

The summer is over. According to the calendar it has a couple of months left, but as far as I am concerned, the summer is over. All of the good parts - hanging out with my friends, staying up all night, no school, no worries - have had their time, and it is now time for me to start working again.

The past month-and-a-half have been amazing - possibly the best 6 weeks of my life to date. I was with people that I loved, having as much fun as humanly possible, working on a film crew, and generally enjoying life. There were moments and hours when I just needed to get away from it all, spend time by myself or other friends, and time alone with God, but the experience of being with close friends for nearly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, was awesome. I grew really close to them, and I will always remember this summer.

Coming home was hard. Saying goodbye, not knowing for sure when I would see everyone again, not knowing if we would all ever be in the same place at the same time again, but knowing that I was going to be alone at home, was hard. I didn't say goodbye to everyone - I couldn't. So I said goodbye to a few people, and then I ran away from it all. I should have said goodbye to a few more people, but I couldn't stay any longer. I was at a point where I was either going to just leave, or stay another few hours and try not to break down for that much longer. I chose to run away, and cry on my way home in the car.

Yeah, this summer was that awesome. The tears that I shed were not tears of anger at having to end the summer, but rather tears of sadness mixed with awe at the beautiful thing that my summer had been. If I were to try to describe my summer, I wouldn't be able to do it. I can only try to paint a picture in your mind.

Imagine: Rain falling from a cloudless sky, over a plain swept with the wind, the long grass swaying back and forth. The stars filling the sky, so that everywhere you look, you see constellations and galaxies filling the heavens. Shooting stars, a wish made on every one of them. A gentle breeze kissing your skin as you lay back on a rooftop, almost asleep, but not quite. A young woman singing for her boyfriend into her phone, while walking along the canal at 2 a.m. A cyclist, riding his bike without hands so that he can play his guitar - 3 a.m. along the canal. All piled up on a single couch - meant for three people, they were five - so that they could watch a movie together. Late night walks, miles and miles out in the country - not getting back until the wee hours of the morning. Swimming in the creek, swollen by the thunderstorms - floating downstream, letting the current carry you gently.

This is just a small part of my summer, and yet, it encompasses most of what made it so special. There was the music, the movies, the talks, the things we did. Imagine, once again, all the things I just wrote about. Now add the people. Your best friends. My best friends. The people that you love. Doing all of those things, experience all of those things with them.


Caroline, Gracie, Nicky, Tyler - thanks for an awesome summer. I love you all so much.

Why the heck. Why. The heck. Yeah.

7.05.2010

All good things have to come to an end...and it is really stinking annoying when some people try to end the goodness early. They suck. They really do.

What is the meaning of life? Why the heck do I always come back to the meaning of life when I am depressed? Wouldn't it just be lovely if there weren't any jerks in this world?  If there weren't any jerks, then I wouldn't get ticked off...

So this song that I am listening to right now kinda fits my mood...

Don't wake me
Cause I don't wanna leave this dream
Don't wake me
Cause I never seem to stay asleep enough
When it's you I'm dreaming of
I don't wanna wake up

Don't wake me
We're together just you and me
Don't wake me
Cause we're happy like we used to be
I know I've gotta let you go
But don't wake me
Yeah...I feel like this summer has been kinda a dream, and it's time to wake up. Yeah.


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