Without Fear

6.27.2010

When I think about what my life means
When I look at the stars in the sky
When I contemplate the rain that falls
When I wonder as I wander along the road

Then I know, that only this I know
That all I know, is meaningless unless
With all that I know, I seek to live
My life for my Savior - He is my all

I look around and all that I can see
Is Your face, You are looking down at me
As You look down from on high
I feel Your love, pouring over me as a flood

Your grace has filled me, my cup runs over
Your love completes me, I lack nothing
Your faith is steadfast, never ending and forever
Your Son is the Christ, Jesus Christ, the truth.

May the truth remain
May I proclaim the truth from the high places
May I proclaim truth to the whole world
May I proclaim truth - and never know fear.

A Couple Thoughts

The days are just flying by like a dream...one after another, each special in its own way, each connected, and each has made itself memorable to me. I'm high on life...I think I'm figuring out liberty...and the pursuit of happiness is going just dandy. Life is good.

I'm going to look back on this summer with longing, I'm sure...right now, I'm just happy to be where I am, doing what I'm doing. God is making a lot of things make sense. I talked with my mom and dad today - about staying at Verity, going distance, or even quitting Verity and just getting my degree through Thomas Edison. They want me to go distance, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm looking forward to getting a job. I've honestly missed working. I think that is something that a man needs. Work is vital to a man's sense of providing, and it builds character...yeah.

I'm going to keep it short tonight. I love all of you. G'night.

Awesome God

6.23.2010

I'm sitting on a bench in the park - it is the first time that I have been outside today. It's a little warm, but not uncomfortably so, and there is a cool breeze blowing. It has been a dull day, without much to differentiate this day from any other. I have been thinking a lot today - more than usual.

What is it that makes me different than the people that I learn from? Am I nothing more than the sum of my parts? Or am a a new creation, altogether different because of the conglomeration of teachers that I have had? I am unique in Christ - but what does that mean?

I know that I am unlike any other person - I am unique. At the same time, I have a lot of the same character traits of my grandfather, I look like my mom and dad, and much of what I believe has been taught to me. Very little of what I know did I discover for myself. The same things could probably be said of every person on Earth. So am I really that different?

Am i special? If I am more than the sum of my parts, then yes, I am special. If I am not, then I and everyone that I know are in essence the same. I believe that not only am I greater than what I am made of, but that God has a specific purpose for me. That makes me special.

Everyone is special, I suppose...Do you know the line that goes: "I'm unique - just like everyone else!"? It's cheesy, but in essence it is true. God has made each person in the same way - we are each sculpted by our surroundings, by the people that He has put us with, and even the DNA that we are made of is not a pure strain from one person. Yet, in the similarity lies the differences. All of the little factors that make up the whole make each of us different.

I am humbled by the greatness of my Heavenly Father...that He would create me...

May I always be His servant.

Above All

Thoughts of many things fill my mind
Thoughts of people, places, time
Thoughts of what is, what was, what will be
Thoughts of many things fill my mind.

Dreaming of what might be someday
Dreaming of what I should do today
Dreaming of what I wish had happened
Dreaming of what I pray will be.

Truth is what drives me, I'm searching for it
Truth is what keeps me going, when I am discouraged
Truth is what soothes my mind, when I am confused
Truth is what drives me -- so I'm searching.

Only one thing I know for sure
Only one thing is absolute
Only one thing is forever
Only one thing is always there.

Christ is King of my life
Christ is the Lord of all
Christ is my Savior
Christ -- He is my all.

Caroline

6.21.2010

Caroline sits next to me, writing away on her computer, as I write this post about her. she writes about me, and I am actually pretty interested in what she has to say. I don't know the style of what she is going to write, I don't know what words she will use, and I don't even have a clue as to how long it will be. I am amused by the look on her face as she asks me, "so what am I writing?" I laugh inside.

We are listening to the music that is streaming from my blog...it amuses me that it is mostly love songs that are playing currently. I am easily amused - but that is beside the point. I'm not talking about myself, but about Caroline.

Reddish-brown hair covers her head, curly and somewhat unruly due to the humidity and the rain. Over the past few days, Caroline and I have spent a lot of time outside. Her eyes are green, her skin white, and she doesn't tan easily at all. She is a lot of fun to hang out with, and an awesome friend.

We really don't have much to do right now. Technically, it is after curfew, but the film crew won't be back for another couple of hours so curfew isn't that important. Chuck is sitting at his computer in the background.

A little while ago Caroline and I danced to a couple songs - we are waiting until we can dance on the roof later. Caroline's eyes are going back and forth from being wide open, staring at the screen of her MacBook, to squinting and thinking about what she is going to write next.


Caroline doesn't like to wear skirts. She always wears pants underneath her skirt, when she has to wear one, and apparently takes every available opportunity to wear only the pants.

She is someone who is easily misunderstood, I think, and I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to learn who she really is - not form an opinion on her based on just what I notice and what other people notice. Caroline doesn't remind me of anyone else. Most people that I know have parallels to each other in one way or another. Caroline is different, in a really awesome way. I wouldn't have been able to know her the way that I do if I hadn't swallowed my fears and asked her some deep questions, though. I was afraid that we had unresolvable difference in our beliefs. I was wrong, and I am grateful for that.

I am looking forward to the next three weeks with Caroline...late nights, too much coffee, swing dancing, watching movies, and generally having fun in and around working on the movie.

I'm done with this blog post, but I don't think that Caroline is done writing her post about me. I hope we will go up on the roof again tonight...I need some garlic to repel those nasty little bloodsuckers, though. I feel as if I am being drained of all the blood in my body, drop by drop...

Lost inside...

6.20.2010

The past week has been pretty rough for me, for some reason. For the longest time, I couldn't think of why. I'm where I want to be, doing what I want to be doing, with the people that I want to be doing it with. So why am I feeling so down?

Over the past couple of days, I've slowly been figuring it out. It's because I'm torn. I'm torn between what I really believe, and what I think I believe. I'm torn between what I am, and what I should be. I'm torn between the people that I love. I'm torn between love and like. I'm torn between respect and emotions.

I've decided that life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is overrated. It's all well and good, but what is life? It happens. Living is just something that I do. Liberty isn't freedom. It's restriction. And I'm having a hard time with that right now. The pursuit of happiness is only worthwhile if I can actually get what I'm pursuing - and I can't right now. It wouldn't be right, it wouldn't be honorable, and it's not what God wants me to do.

I've decided that I'm gonna have to trust God completely for the answers. I don't know what I'm thinking right now. I'm very confused. I know that I can only look to Christ for wisdom and guidance.

To Live Is Christ -- To Die Is Gain

6.01.2010

Beloved of Christ, I am adopted
I am the brother of Christ -- adopted
Into the family of God, I desire
Only to do the will of my Father, who is wiser
And to see His Kingdom come on Earth,
His Kingdom come on Earth just like
His Kingdom in Heaven -- Your Kingdom come.

One day I'm gonna see the Christ -- God-Man
And Savior of the whole world, crucified
But risen again -- He's coming in glory
The risen Lamb, the King of Justice, King
Over all that is, over all that was, will be
King on a white horse, robe dipped on blood -- red
With blood. His name written down, Lord of Lords.

He is my King, He's coming again in glory
Flaming sword at His side, proclaiming justice
To the whe world, Yes the whole world
They shall see His judgment come, poured
Out, poured out on mankind, on those
Whose names are not written in the Book
The Book of Life is my ticket home.

My home is with God, His home is here
When He cleanses the Earth, cleansing with fire
When the seas are gone, the ocean is no more
Jerusalem comes down, the Father too -- dwell
With mankind -- His creation. His creation of love.
Sun, moon, and stars -- their light is not needed
The glory of God -- He as a light shining.

Christ is coming again, coming again in glory
I want to see that day, hear those trumpets
What God has for me until then is this:
He wants me to proclaim Truth -- the Truth
His Wors is Truth, Jesus is the Word, so
The God-Man I will proclaim. My life is His,
I've given it over, I will live until I die
          For Him.