stream flow

2.24.2010

listening to the avatar soundtrack with eyes closed, typing as the words flow, it's 2:30 in the morning, my favorite time of the night. I think about what needs to be done - an essay to write, papers to grade, life to live, and remember a conversation earlier with my room mates. life is so futile. no matter what we do, it's no more than a mark on the page of a much greater book, written by God. nothing that I can do will really affect the outcome of what happens in the end. I am so small and insignificant. the music fades out...another song fades in...i still have my eyes closed. i can hear nothing else, i feel the chill air in my room, the weight of my headphones presses on my head - not uncomfortable. I feel the cord fall down my back, gently brushing against my shoulder as I move...themusic picks up pace...I can envision what is happeneing in the movie...I shiver a little as the cold strikes me. I will go to bed soon, my caffeine buzz is wearing off...i'm starting to shake. so much to do, so much that i need to get done, so much that i want to do. but it's all worthless if i don't keep my focus on my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. so much stress in my life...why? surrendur to God, He will take care of me...I miss my friends...my long talks...the peace of mind that I once had. Life used to be so simple, and yet even then I thought it complicated. The song changes again, I'mstarting to get tired. thoughts slowing down...filled with the desire for sleep and yet to wired to fall asleep...that's why i'm still working at 2:30 in the morning...I remember being downtown at this time over the summer...I want to do that again this summer. with my friends...just hanging out at all hours of the night. learning so much about tech stuff...unix, linus, terminal in Mac...fun stuff and yet I am struck with the utter futility of life and begin to question my existence...why do I live? and then I remember...I live to serve my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ...that is reason sufficient for me. The music changes yet again...quieter again...stereo effects are amazing...I can hear every detail...my headphones cancel out every other sound. i can't even hear myself typing...my roommates are asleep. John in his bed beside me tyler in his bed to my right...my bed is to my left, waiting for me to get into it...i remember that I have twitter duty for school tomorrow...and am struck with the feeling that I now have conflicting activities on Satrday but don' tremember what...oh yeah its a church activity and then ice skating possibly...my life is too packed...i should slow down and concentrate on school and what I'm here to do...but then i would miss out on hanging out with my friends..i need to hang out with them more...Drew is leaving in just a couple months...i may only see him a couple times between now and then...he's goign to be gone for a long time...the music picks up...i've still got my eyes closed...i can sense nothing other then the chair i'm sitting on and my keyboard at my fingertips...and my headphones/chord falling down my back...my foot is starting to hurt...i'm sitting on it...my thoughts are stoping...i think it's time for sleep...just a couple hours..s...i'm going to drink a lot of coffee tomorrow...good night